http://petermusgrove.com/2008/05/08/itv-hit-with-record-fine/

Just an idea.
 

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www.petermusgrove.com
 

It's not bad, but I prefered the Johnny Vegas one.

I think the Paul thingy is a distraction, and there's a bit too much filler en route.

If you could make the intro bit funnier, and satitrise the bone heads who enter these contests, could work better.
 

Hey Norman

I think you're taking too long to get to the funny in this (and the Johnny Vegas one too) so it's a bit confusing as to where the news stops and the funnies begin.

To be fair, the funny bit *is* funny, just you've changed your mindset to 'serious-news-reading' by then and it's difficult to get a laugh after that change has been made.

The first four paragraphs need to be summed up in one, in my opinion, to keep it light-hearted.

Dan
 

It just reads to me as accurate and then made up with a big blur in the middle. Read something like the Onion and they'll introduce the pope as a religious extremist - it sets the tone from the off. A far easier read.
 

Yeah, what he said. That'd make it funnier too.
 

Cheers I'll edit it a bit. The serious into comedy is intentional though. I think if you can make the reader believe it is a serious article then change it at the end it works but I agree, perhaps the serious bit goes on to long. Here is my edited version.

http://petermusgrove.com/2008/05/08/itv-hit-with-record-fine/
 

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www.petermusgrove.com