A Tilt Week One reject (understandably, given the language. So I sent a modified version to NR). I think it was after The Apprentice fish task. I did another Apprentice-based sketch later on in the series.

Dan

==================
APPRENTICE FISH
==================
SIR ALAN SUGAR TALKING TO THE LISTENER

SIR ALAN:
Right, wankers. Have I got a task for you! Your first task: flogging fish. I’ve got you each some supplies. Two fish per team and five loaves of bread. *You* have to feed 5,000 punters with these limited supplies. No bullshit, no timewasting. Jesus did it and with the right location, there’s no reason you shouldn’t be able to do it also. Nick here—

F/X: SNORING MAN

SIR ALAN:
—and Margaret—

F/X: WOMAN MAKES SHRILL NOISE LIKE POKER SHOVED UP HER BUM

SIR ALAN:
—will keep an eye on you. When you fail, come back and one of you *will* be fired. Now, piss off and get to it, you cunts. Good luck.

END
 

It's a good idea, but it ends with out a good punch, and good luck getting cunt on the radio (albeit Radio 1 do with Chris Moyles arf arf)

A groaner of a punch would be,

1 One of you is going to get crucified.
 

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The ASDA of satire.
"Thoughtcrime was not a thing that could be concealed forever. You might dodge successfully for a while, even for years, but sooner or later they were bound to get you." Which is exactly what happened to Winston Smith. His rebellion was not one that was foolish and too outspoken. He silently tried to defeat the Party for his personal happiness, and in the end it cost him everything he had fought for, and his love for Julia. He had learned to love Big Brother, which was his ultimate fear when trying to live a life of individuality. The Party had defeated him.

1984
 

as above, nice idea but zero punch line. (calling someone a cunt is not a punch line)
 

Lovely idea, Dan, and you correctly identify the reason it didn't make Tilt. Sooty's ending is neater in its tie-in.
 

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The Slagg Brothers live at:welshwriters.org.uk/slaggbrothers.

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Our YouTube. Subscribe to us and we'll return the compliment.
 

Yeah, it is.

Damn you lot, helping me *after* stuff has already been rejected. To quote the late, great Chandler Bing: "You're the ideal people to have around the day *after* an emergency!"



Dan
 

You write good stuff, but there sheer mass of stuff hitting Tilt, must have created a certain luck factor.
 

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The ASDA of satire.
"Thoughtcrime was not a thing that could be concealed forever. You might dodge successfully for a while, even for years, but sooner or later they were bound to get you." Which is exactly what happened to Winston Smith. His rebellion was not one that was foolish and too outspoken. He silently tried to defeat the Party for his personal happiness, and in the end it cost him everything he had fought for, and his love for Julia. He had learned to love Big Brother, which was his ultimate fear when trying to live a life of individuality. The Party had defeated him.

1984
 

Cheers, but that's two sketches where (perhaps) I've missed the obvious joke in a rush to finish the sketch. I need to take a step back (though any topical show deadlines means things are more of a rush than normal).

Just a bit annoyed that I missed your joke above (I don't mean 'your' joke specifically, as that does you a disservice, I mean 'a further religious/Jesus reference') and the 'Morgan' in the 'Who Wants To Be a Billion-Billion-Billionaire' sketch below (somewhere). That one, if anything, is *so* obvious!

Dan
 

It's an universal experience, Dan. After filming is finished or pressing 'send' there's usually a gag to be spotted that's crying out to have been included.
 

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The Slagg Brothers live at:welshwriters.org.uk/slaggbrothers.

Our MySpace. Feel free to add us as friends.

Our YouTube. Subscribe to us and we'll return the compliment.