Quote: Winterlight @ May 15 2008, 9:51 PM BST

I think the last line should stay. I haven't been able to get it out of my head.

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Now that's worrying. I have this image of you wandering around mumbling it to yourself!

Quote: Badge @ May 16 2008, 1:14 AM BST

I'm clearly in a minority here but I *much* prefer the original version. Very funny. I think the rewrite loses something in trying to add more.

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Thanks Badge. I can't make my mind up between the two.
 

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Come with me and you'll be in a world of pure imagination, we'll begin with a spin traveling in the world of my creation

Feel free to be as negative as you want to my scripts or sketches.

Feel free to make whatever suggestions you want to my scripts or sketches, however by making any suggestions or changes you are then giving me the right to use them without asking your permission. Which is nice.
 

I liked this. The only thing I'd say is that I preffered it when the line 'no, i really love fucking otters' was just 'no. The reason is because I find that a big bold 'no' totally breaks the rhythm of the scene. IF you look at what you've written, its almost (god this will sound arsey) like a song, where the viewer excepts that character to say a certain amount. If you just put 'no', its quite funny and not expected. The other thing is, is that I think you should maybe cut the video. It might just be stretching out the joke. I think if he goes from 'no' to an awkward silence and then goes to fuck the otter with the confused/horrified looks of man1.

I like the sketch though, good work.
 

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Humour First
 

Thanks for that. I see what you mean about breaking the rhythm of it with just the "no". I put the video in just to show how far this person would go. I don't think many people got the fact that when he left he went to fuck an otter. They just assumed he left. Glad you spotted it.

Thanks again. That was helpful.
 

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Come with me and you'll be in a world of pure imagination, we'll begin with a spin traveling in the world of my creation

Feel free to be as negative as you want to my scripts or sketches.

Feel free to make whatever suggestions you want to my scripts or sketches, however by making any suggestions or changes you are then giving me the right to use them without asking your permission. Which is nice.
 

I really enjoyed that. There's just something inherently funny about a guy getting really excited by otters. Good job.
 

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www.davidbussell.com
 

Quote: David Bussell @ May 20 2008, 9:53 AM BST

I really enjoyed that. There's just something inherently funny about a guy getting really excited by otters. Good job.

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Thanks David. Strange how in comedy beastiality is funny, but in everyday life it's frowned apon. Oh well nevermind. Come here Rover. Good boy.
 

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Come with me and you'll be in a world of pure imagination, we'll begin with a spin traveling in the world of my creation

Feel free to be as negative as you want to my scripts or sketches.

Feel free to make whatever suggestions you want to my scripts or sketches, however by making any suggestions or changes you are then giving me the right to use them without asking your permission. Which is nice.