A man goes into a sweet shop and is served by a really big fat woman.

MAN: I'll have a Kit Kat Chunky
WOMAN: Certainly Sir

The woman comes back with a Kit Kat

MAN: No, I just wanted a normal Kit Kat you fat cow.
 

---

Janine Riley knows what I'm talking about don't you don't you. And Tony Lynch, TONY LYNCH, he knows.
 

Well it kinda works, but it's a bit mean, also it seems more of a start of jolly brand misunderstanding. Possibly finishing with a rather nasty finger of fudge joke.
 

---

The ASDA of satire.
AKA Da Pun-da-mentalist
AKA 3rd Chuckle Brother
 

It's a bit nasty Jack. Can't you switch it around so she gets offended when he didn't mean it?

The idea is a good one though.

Dan
 

Mybe she should retort by grabbing him by the curly wurlies
 

---

WTF?

 

the actor would have to deliver it just right but i think the final line could be

No, I just wanted a normal Kit Kat (very brief pause) Chunky.
 

---

You want someone to screw your brains out
I'd say they're running out of time & they'd only go & cut themselves on the daggers of your mind.
 

Yeah, too mean. Swertd's idea is good.
 

---

My Animations: http://www.shoepie.co.uk
 

It's not a good idea to assume performers will get your words just right.
 

---

The ASDA of satire.
AKA Da Pun-da-mentalist
AKA 3rd Chuckle Brother
 

assume makes an ass out of u and me after all.
 

---

You want someone to screw your brains out
I'd say they're running out of time & they'd only go & cut themselves on the daggers of your mind.
 

How about the woman offers him a cat, in a pink bow, with diamante earings, and an "I love camp," tshirt.

Too which the man says,

"I wanted a kit kat, not a kitsch cat, you fat bastard,"
 

---

The ASDA of satire.
AKA Da Pun-da-mentalist
AKA 3rd Chuckle Brother
 

It's a good enough gag as it is; but surely nobody says "certiny sir" anymore.
 

no one's ever said certiny sir.

it feels like you need to have her saying something for the flow of the sketch - but thinking about it (and no disrespect to fatties intended) you could just have the description 'she looks at him, grudgingly stands up and waddles over to to where the Kit Kat Chunkys are'


i love this sketch by the way.

Nothing wrong with mocking fat people, they lend themselves to it.

i feel i'm wandering into offensive territory here but i've read Shannon and Fritzl sketches on here so this pales next to them.
 

---

You want someone to screw your brains out
I'd say they're running out of time & they'd only go & cut themselves on the daggers of your mind.
 

Well that seems aimed at me, so thanks awfully Waring.

Mean spirited sniping at people who are different how hugely, wonderfully funny that is.

And topical, satirical stuff, how bad and evil.

There's also Maddy skits for you to get your uptight nickers in a twist over.

It's about what you're trying to joke about, and what your intent is.
 

---

The ASDA of satire.
AKA Da Pun-da-mentalist
AKA 3rd Chuckle Brother
 

not aimed at you at all - i've read loads of fritzl sketches on here.

unless your a great tubby bastard!

i'd say at least half of all comedy shows ever have poked fun at fat people at some point.

They're good to poke, easy on the finger.
 

---

You want someone to screw your brains out
I'd say they're running out of time & they'd only go & cut themselves on the daggers of your mind.
 

Hmm well I am more of John Candy than Russell Brand.

But check out my variant, it's not the subject.

Far as I'm concerned everything is a potential joke, and is potentially funny.

And I mean everything.

It's just, ha ha point gags, they're kinda weak, and obvious.

It's why if you fit a twist, or a second punch they're funnier.
 

---

The ASDA of satire.
AKA Da Pun-da-mentalist
AKA 3rd Chuckle Brother
 

i'm not attacking offensive sketches - it's just they fall extra flat if they're not funny.

i agree with you on the last point but i think some sketches are better as one quick joke then move on. which is how i feel on this.

i saw jimmy carr live last year and i'm going to see frankie boyle later this year so i'm not completely anti-offensive it's just got to be extra extra funny or it leaves a sour taste, and maybe on this site everyone pounces on the latest horrific news story a bit too quickly (this is probably a fault of most of the radio sketches being news based)

I've read plenty of your sketches i've liked, sorry if there's any ill feeling.

back on topic (sort of): I'm skinny with a pot belly.
 

---

You want someone to screw your brains out
I'd say they're running out of time & they'd only go & cut themselves on the daggers of your mind.