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Author Topic: Youth of Today Sketch
David Bussell
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Quote: Mike Greybloke @ March 28, 2008, 2:39 PM

I agree with ian_w over the ending. The look of utter disbelief doesn't really do anything.

If the husband considered what his wife had just said and made a wordless expression/nod of "yeah, good point", it'd be improved. I think.


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Exactly right.

 
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Paul Carroll
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Just made the changes? What do you think? Thanks Guys.
 
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David Bussell
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A little too repetetive:

Quote: Paul Carroll @ March 28, 2008, 12:36 AM



Woman
Yeah, I suppose you're right, but they give great head.

(CAMERA CUTS TO HUSBAND WHO LOOKS LIKE HE IS THINKING)

Man
Yeah, you're right, they do.


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How about:


Woman
But they give great head.

THE HUSBAND PONDERS.

Man
Yeah, they do.



 
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Paul Carroll
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Nice one guys. The feedback is much appreciated.
 
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David Chapman
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Obviously I've only seen this since you've edited it.

Good one.
 
Playwrite extraordinaire.

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