Jizz Bit


Ill advised kids magic show by Paul Daniels
 

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The ASDA of satire.
"Thoughtcrime was not a thing that could be concealed forever. You might dodge successfully for a while, even for years, but sooner or later they were bound to get you." Which is exactly what happened to Winston Smith. His rebellion was not one that was foolish and too outspoken. He silently tried to defeat the Party for his personal happiness, and in the end it cost him everything he had fought for, and his love for Julia. He had learned to love Big Brother, which was his ultimate fear when trying to live a life of individuality. The Party had defeated him.

1984
 

The Banana Shits.

Scat show featuring soft fruit with diarrhoea.

'Great for the compost heap' Gardeners Monthly.
 

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Genius.
 

The Grapes of Hoth

George Lucas takes on the Steinbeck classic. Depression era frozen planet.
 

---

The ASDA of satire.
"Thoughtcrime was not a thing that could be concealed forever. You might dodge successfully for a while, even for years, but sooner or later they were bound to get you." Which is exactly what happened to Winston Smith. His rebellion was not one that was foolish and too outspoken. He silently tried to defeat the Party for his personal happiness, and in the end it cost him everything he had fought for, and his love for Julia. He had learned to love Big Brother, which was his ultimate fear when trying to live a life of individuality. The Party had defeated him.

1984
 

Hymen Society

A group of well healed jocks gather to mass rape a 15 year old virgin.

'Hilarious' Heinz Fritzl.
 

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Genius.
 

It's Your Fucking Problem

Sitcom centred around an egotistical manic depressive psychiatrist that listens to the comical problems of his clients before pausing and declaring "hey... it's YOUR fucking problem!". Client is left flabergasted and trips over multiple items before leaving room. Each episode has three different clients with three equally hillarious mental problems. In between each client session we see our main man bumbling his way through such situations as "buying a lottery ticket" and "booking a table for one at a restaurant".

In 2nd series things take a twist when our favourite pyschiatrist is sent to one himself, only to be told... "it's your fucking problem!".

Canned laughter gets turned up to '11' on this one.

Actors currently being considered for the main role: Robert Lindsay, Victor Meldrew, Angus Deaton.
 

Huff and Puff

The wolf from the 3 little pigs becomes a psychotherapist. This week Humpty Dumpty and his vertigo


Humpty Dumped me

Dating sit com, about a giant egg who lives on a wall, and dumps girls. This week Little BoPeep feels sheepish for trusting him again.
 

---

The ASDA of satire.
"Thoughtcrime was not a thing that could be concealed forever. You might dodge successfully for a while, even for years, but sooner or later they were bound to get you." Which is exactly what happened to Winston Smith. His rebellion was not one that was foolish and too outspoken. He silently tried to defeat the Party for his personal happiness, and in the end it cost him everything he had fought for, and his love for Julia. He had learned to love Big Brother, which was his ultimate fear when trying to live a life of individuality. The Party had defeated him.

1984
 

Great Balls of Fire
Reality show where 'celebrities' who don't actually do anything (such as Paul Danon, Calum Best, Peter Andre) have their testicles dipped in petrol and then set alight. They have to record a Jerry Lee Lewis cover in a time less than it takes for their knackers to become (thankfully) unuseable. Satisfying.

Dan
 

Delta for ever, and ever

Endurance style show, where contestants have to try and sit through one episode of the lamentable sitcom.
 

---

The ASDA of satire.
"Thoughtcrime was not a thing that could be concealed forever. You might dodge successfully for a while, even for years, but sooner or later they were bound to get you." Which is exactly what happened to Winston Smith. His rebellion was not one that was foolish and too outspoken. He silently tried to defeat the Party for his personal happiness, and in the end it cost him everything he had fought for, and his love for Julia. He had learned to love Big Brother, which was his ultimate fear when trying to live a life of individuality. The Party had defeated him.

1984
 

Wanking The Dead

Trevor Eve commits unspeakable acts in the mortuary while pining for the halcyon days of Shoestring.
 

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"'Reality,' sa molesworth 2, 'is so unspeakably sordid it make me shudder.'"

 

Thomas the Rankin engine

Thomas has a succesful career as a grumpy Scots murder mystery writer.
 

---

The ASDA of satire.
"Thoughtcrime was not a thing that could be concealed forever. You might dodge successfully for a while, even for years, but sooner or later they were bound to get you." Which is exactly what happened to Winston Smith. His rebellion was not one that was foolish and too outspoken. He silently tried to defeat the Party for his personal happiness, and in the end it cost him everything he had fought for, and his love for Julia. He had learned to love Big Brother, which was his ultimate fear when trying to live a life of individuality. The Party had defeated him.

1984
 

Start The Wank

Chris Moyles takes over previously highbrow Radio Four magazine programme.

Don't fucking laugh it'll probably happen.
 

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"'Reality,' sa molesworth 2, 'is so unspeakably sordid it make me shudder.'"

 

The Hoodies

3 middle aged comics form an agency to help out people. By crapping in their gardens, and stabbing them.

Tim Crook Taylor, Graham Hardon, and Kill Bill awkward soddy.
 

---

The ASDA of satire.
"Thoughtcrime was not a thing that could be concealed forever. You might dodge successfully for a while, even for years, but sooner or later they were bound to get you." Which is exactly what happened to Winston Smith. His rebellion was not one that was foolish and too outspoken. He silently tried to defeat the Party for his personal happiness, and in the end it cost him everything he had fought for, and his love for Julia. He had learned to love Big Brother, which was his ultimate fear when trying to live a life of individuality. The Party had defeated him.

1984
 

Wank With Mother

Bill and Ben get their Woodentips polished by the flowerpot-dwelling "MILF".
 

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"'Reality,' sa molesworth 2, 'is so unspeakably sordid it make me shudder.'"

 

Mississippi Delta Force Forever.

Chuck Norris meets the devil at a crossroads and trades his soul for some second rate martial arts skills.
 

Don't ever call the Norris second rate, he's the most first rate thing in the universe.


Porker Texas Ranger.

Chuck Norris takes a sabbatical, and is replaced by a large pig. Will he save the bacon? and avoid a hambush?
 

---

The ASDA of satire.
"Thoughtcrime was not a thing that could be concealed forever. You might dodge successfully for a while, even for years, but sooner or later they were bound to get you." Which is exactly what happened to Winston Smith. His rebellion was not one that was foolish and too outspoken. He silently tried to defeat the Party for his personal happiness, and in the end it cost him everything he had fought for, and his love for Julia. He had learned to love Big Brother, which was his ultimate fear when trying to live a life of individuality. The Party had defeated him.

1984