So here's something I just wrote, not brimming with jokes, but I thought a nice little piece.

http://www.leevil.co.uk/datb.pdf

I'm gonna have to re-write, this is really bad after reading it back again.
 

I can't open it Leevil, it just says cannot find something or rather, maybe it's just my computor.
 

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**check my profile for more material** This guy got arrested in the states for using a childs urinal in a public toilet, he said "i was practising my aim as my wife gets angry at me for missing the bowl at home" i believe it was a genuine mistake and he failed to notice the kid using the same urinal. (lewis roberts brighter side c)
 

I read it, and liked the gentle humour, though couldn't help thinking it seemed like a scene from a sit-com, rather than a sketch in it's own right.

Could be a starting point for developing these 2 characters, if you want to go down that road.
 

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Moomin Papa is BUFF!
 

Yeah, I didn't think the sketch itself was too good, but the characters might have potential.

Thanks Stylo.
 

Sorry Lee but I can never open your stuff. Primitive equipment I'm afraid - And my computer's not much better.
 

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Playwrite extraordinaire.

http://www.eols.org.uk/
 

Thanks for looking anyway.

There's the main site - http://www.adobe.com/products/acrobat/readstep2.html

There's a smaller alternative - http://www.foxitsoftware.com/pdf/rd_intro.php

Now I'm not expecting you to download it just for me, but you might find it a useful application for reading many scripts and ebooks.
 

Just got it open, i liked it, but it needs developing., i'll read through it again later to see if i change my mind.
 

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**check my profile for more material** This guy got arrested in the states for using a childs urinal in a public toilet, he said "i was practising my aim as my wife gets angry at me for missing the bowl at home" i believe it was a genuine mistake and he failed to notice the kid using the same urinal. (lewis roberts brighter side c)
 

Thanks Lewis. But Stylo got me thinking into developing these characters more, so I might try for full episode later.
 

I like it. I can feel the dynamic between the two characters building already, and in such a short snippet that's good work. Well done!
 

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Aaron
BSG Forums & DVDs Editor
(Half man, half Internet, half TV.)
(Loyal follower of The Magical Aura of Laura.)

 

Thanks Aaron. I haven't seen Terry and June in years, but I'm sure there's some similarity? A man and a woman?
 

I liked the mood, which you managed to get across in a very short space but I didn't get the comparison (if that's what it was supposed to be) between kids playing with their Playstations 'back in the day' and the man having to apply suntan lotion.

I'm assuming that this is the future? And where once kids used to prefer to sit in front of their computers and TVs all day, they now like to get out into the fresh air?

If that's the case, what's changed from 'now' (the present), where you'd have to apply suntan lotion (and a high factor, at that) at the beach anyway... and your premise that the man has only been in the sun a few minutes and needs the lotion?

I may have missed the point entirely, of course.






 

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Proud male member (ahem!) of the Guys and Girlie Pirates.
 

Lol. I didn't really put that much thought into it.

The bloke is 25, he's probably been forced to go to the beach by his girlfriend/wife and isn't happy. When he was younger he would've been playing his SNES or whatever all the time, making him sensitive to the sun.

The kids are doing exactly the same as him. Their only little kids so they probably want to go to the beach as well as play on the Playstation.

There was more after the sun tan lotion bit, you know?

Thanks anyway.
 

Ahhh... didn't see the rest of it initially. Sorry, that'll teach me to eat breakfast, check my email and post on this forum all at the same time, won't it?

OK... the rest is good too. I like the man telling the kids that he's only 25. It's an oldie but a goodie... and is always funny in my opinion.

The exaggerated pauses by the man are great. Very 'real life' and, again, very funny.

The kids laughing at the man's ineptitude works well.

Overall, I like it. It definitely carries the gentle style of humour associated with past sitcoms such as T&J.

I'd like to see more of this kind of thing.
 

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Proud male member (ahem!) of the Guys and Girlie Pirates.
 

Thanks Darren. I only knocked this up quick, but it was fun writing a more gentle style comedy, I seem to be leaning towards that style more lately.

I'll try an have another crack at it soon.

Thanks.
 

It`s well written & has such a gentle touch that I was immediately drawn in.

I think it could work well as a sitcom & you left me wanting more.
 

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Founder Member of the First Chapter of Guys & Girlie Pirates. AKA The Girlie Pirates.

"Scurvy Spice" of The Spice Trade Girls