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Grand Designs
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, swerytd said:
Here's today's Tilt reject, whilst it's still vaguely topical. And probably bad taste...
Dan
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GRAND DESIGNS
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KEVIN MCCLOUD:
Welcome back to Grand Designs. We're in Amstetten in Austria with Josef, who's redesigned his house in the most impressive way. So where are we here Josef? This looks like just a cupboard.
JOSEF:
(AUSTRIAN ACCENT) Ah, but not any cupboard, look.
F/X: MAN HEAVING CUPBOARD OUT OF THE WAY
KEVIN:
Wow! A door!
JOSEF:
A *magic* door!
KEVIN:
Magic how?
JOSEF:
Magic as the wife never suspected it for quarter of a century!
F/X: BEEPING OF A KEYPAD. NOISE OF VAULT DOOR UNLOCKING AND CREAKING OPEN
KEVIN:
(ECHO) This is enormous… ly small!
JOSEF:
Yes, it is just what I had in mind when I drew up the plans.
KEVIN:
Incredible, the complete lack of light or windows give such a magnificent illusion of space!
JOSEF:
I am very proud.
KEVIN:
And if we walk through he—
F/X: BANG OF HEAD ON LOW BEAM
KEVIN:
Ouch!
JOSEF:
Yes, it is *very* small. So a young family cannot grow tall and strong and overthrow me... Erm, theoretically.
KEVIN:
If you (STRAINS BREATH LIKE SQUEEZING THROUGH VERY SMALL GAP) squeeze through here (POP) we see there is a whole kitchen—
JOSEF:
—Well, not a *whole* kitchen—
KEVIN:
—and bathroom. Well, bath. Well, wash—(BEAT)—basin here. And through here is the main room?
JOSEF:
Oh, yes! This is my pride and joy.
KEVIN:
The bedroom! It's got to be almost 20—no! 25!—inches wide.
JOSEF:
Yes! Most efficient layout for sequestering family!
KEVIN:
Well, Josef. Thanks for showing us your Grand Design.
JOSEF:
No problem, Kevin. Won't you stay?
KEVIN:
Well, I kind of... have to get back. What's with the sack?
JOSEF:
Worry not, Kevin—
F/X: MUFFLED NOISE OF SACK BEING PUT OVER STRUGGLING MAN'S HEAD
JOSEF:
—you will like it here...
END
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, Nigel Kelly said:
Quite good, although it could have been a touch shorter.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, sootyj said:
I agree good skit, but it's a familiar enough story, you could halve it.
A good twist would be to have a surprise person down there.