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Superman
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, ShoePie said:
I'm going to have another go at filming soon. As I'm filming it myself I'm limited to two guys in a living room so to add something different I'm thinking of hiring a Superman costume and then coming up with a couple of sketches around that.
Here's the first one. I'm not sure about it to be honest.
http://www.shoepie.co.uk/archive/Superman-1.pdf
VERSION 2:
http://www.shoepie.co.uk/archive/Superman-2.pdf
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, sootyj said:
Too slack, passable idea, but it's rather too long.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, swerytd said:
I enjoyed it, but agree it feels a bit long.
Also, technical point, but if you spin around really fast, how much coffee is gonna be left in the cup <cue intense Physics debate about centrifugal/centripetal forces>.
I like the idea though, just needs some trimming about how Clark is a buffoon -- I think one example is enough.
Dan
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, ShoePie said:
Thanks for the comments.
Doh! I thought it wasn't long enough! 
but the length seems to be a common theme so I'll see where I can cut some lines out.
I'm sort of tempted to add to the ending by making him fly round the Earth and turn back time so he can avoid falling for the "Great Escape" trap.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, swerytd said:
That's a good idea. The end of your sketch could be the beginning again then! Nice.
Dan
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, billwill said:
I did a supaman skit, some long time ago.
http://www.datahighways.net/dhl/downloads/w2000/TheBulge5.pdf
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, bushbaby said:
Quote: billwill @ May 10 2008, 2:35 PM BSTI did a supaman skit, some long time ago.
http://www.datahighways.net/dhl/downloads/w2000/TheBulge5.pdf
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On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, SlagA said:
ShoePie - if this is the edit then it's very good. Look forward to seeing it.
BillWill - if you want to post up a sketch please, please, open a NEW thread. It's not fair to distract critique away from the original poster's work: as has happened with BushBaby above.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, Nigel Kelly said:
I liked it and the ending was good as well.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, bushbaby said:
Oh, yes, Shoe, I like yours too.....sorry for the distraction
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, billwill said:
I read it that Shoepie was asking for superman sketches to film?
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, Gavin said:
I thought it was good didnt think there was anything obviously slack, the pace was fine for me. Good work.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, SlagA said:
Quote: billwill @ May 12 2008, 5:21 PM BSTI read it that Shoepie was asking for superman sketches to film?
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Apologies, Sir.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, ShoePie said:
Thanks for all the comments, I have my actors and location ready now. The only script changes I'm making are to re-write the opening....make it a bit longer so it's a bit of a clearer set-up. And adding the turn back time ending.
Quote: billwill @ May 12 2008, 5:21 PM BSTI read it that Shoepie was asking for superman sketches to film?
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Just to clarify I'm not looking for sketches. When I've had some more experience I would probably be up for some collaborations but right now I have my hands full holding the camera steady whilst slapping a decent performance out of my mates.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, ShoePie said:
Revision 2:
I decided to use voice overs so it has a bit of Peep Show influence in there now. A few lines I need to make funnier but more or less it.
http://www.shoepie.co.uk/archive/Superman-2.pdf
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, waring said:
That's true. You are a bit of a
Dick.
nice line.
See. Superman wouldn't have spilled
boiling hot Coffee exactly on your
testicles.
very funny.
i like your style. great dialogue.
only minor quibble is:
Tell me the truth mate, are you
Superman?
sounds too british.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, ShoePie said:
Thanks Waring. It's very re-assuring you liked those lines, I sometimes worry that lines like that which aren't 'proper' jokes might fall flat to other people.
I agree with the British line sounding wrong, I've modified it in version 2. Although Coffee was changed back to Tea to make it a bit more British
V.2
http://www.shoepie.co.uk/archive/Superman-2.pdf
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, waring said:
perfect!
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, swerytd said:
Still like this one. Good stuff.
Dan
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, waring said:
just suddenly had a delightful image of superman smashing wee jimmy's face in to silence him - just seemed so un-superman.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, ShoePie said:
Haha, I'll see if I can get some Jimmy abuse out-takes in for you. You can definitely have a lot of fun with a Superman costume.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, Badge said:
I usually like your stuff Mr Pie and this is no exception. But I much much much prefer version 1. I think it's much neater.