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On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, wayne lewis said:
This just sort of popped into my head when I was in work. Some bloke was on the radio being overly enthusiatic about Otters. You can rip it to shreads I don't mind. It's never going to get used for anything I just had to write it because it was getting on my nerves.
TWO MEN ARE IN A BIRD HIDEOUT, ON THE SIDE OF A RIVER. THEY ARE BOTH LOOKING OUT WITH BINOCULARS.
MAN 1: Oh look. A Kingfisher.
MAN 2: Where? (PAUSE) Oh yeah. I fucking love Kingfishers.
MAN 1: And me. (PAUSE) Is that a Water Vole?
MAN 2: I think so. I fucking love Water voles.
MAN 1: They’re ok. (PAUSE) Brilliant! Look an Otter.
MAN 2: Wow. I love fucking Otters.
MAN1: I hope you mean “I fucking love Otters”. (LAUGHS)
MAN 2: No.
MAN 2 PULLS OUT HIS MOBILE PHONE AND SHOWS HIM AN HOME MADE MOVIE. “PORN” MUSIC AND ANIMAL SQUEEKING IS HEARD. MAN 1 LOOKS DISGUSTED. MAN 2 GETS UP AND HANDS HIS BINOCULARS TO MAN 1.
MAN 2: Hold them a sec. I won’t be long.
MAN 2 TURNS AND LEAVES.
EDITED VERSION: With a little help from Winterlight
TWO MEN ARE IN A BIRD HIDEOUT, ON THE SIDE OF A RIVER. THEY ARE BOTH LOOKING OUT WITH BINOCULARS.
MAN 1: Oh look. A Kingfisher.
MAN 2: Where? (PAUSE) Oh yeah. I fucking love Kingfishers.
MAN 1: And me. (PAUSE) Is that a Water Vole?
MAN 2: I think so. I fucking love Water voles.
MAN 1: They’re ok. (PAUSE) Brilliant! Look an Otter.
MAN 2: Wow. I love fucking Otters.
MAN 1: I know. Great aren't they.
MAN 2: No, I do love 'fucking' otters. Look.
MAN 2 PULLS OUT HIS MOBILE PHONE AND SHOWS HIM AN HOME MADE MOVIE. “PORN” MUSIC AND ANIMAL SQUEEKING IS HEARD. MAN 1 LOOKS DISGUSTED. MAN 2 GETS UP AND HANDS HIS BINOCULARS TO MAN 1, AND UNZIPS HIS TROUSERS.
MAN 2: Hold them a sec. This won't take long.
MAN 1 TURNS AND LEAVES.
MAN 2: (O.O.V)(FROM PHONE) Ohhh. Slippery little bugger ain't you.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, Winterlight said:
Hey Wayne.
It wasn't too bad. Reminded me of my "I fucking love Otters" line the other week, but I'll let you off seeing as it's not theft!
I thought it could be done a little different near the end:
MAN 2: Wow. I love fucking Otters.
MAN 1: I fucking love them as well.
MAN 2: No, I think you misunderstood. I love 'fucking' otters.
And instead of Man 2 turning and leaving, he could get excited watching the video and start undoing his zip.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, Charley said:
Agree with winty.
Good though.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, wayne lewis said:
I think you're both right. As for the "I fucking love Otters" bit I wondered way when I heard the guy on the radio talking about them that popped into my head. It was your Mr Otter sketck wasn't it. Damn you Winterlight!
Like I said if nobody liked it I don't really mind. It made me smile and it's not going to be used for anything.
EDITED Original post.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, swerytd said:
I like this one (the edited version is the better one). No useful feedback as I think it's done well, succinct and straight to the point with no fannying around. If you'll excuse the expression.
I can see it in Man Stroke Woman. It's that sort of sketch.
Dan
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, Winterlight said:
I agree that it's quite Man Stroke Woman. I could see Nick Frost playing Man 2.
I love the last line.
You amused not just yourself, but me.
One quick note, shouldn't it be Man 1 that turns and leaves?
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, Afinkawan said:
Hahahaha. I know what you mean about having to get something out of your head. At least this one worked. Nice little sketch.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, sootyj said:
It's very nice and simple
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, Nigel Kelly said:
Nice one Wayne.
Comedy Sketchbook last night had a Big Train sketch with similar set up (blokes with binoculars in a hide). A big talking duck then comes into the hide and orders the people out, they poison the duck with oil in a follow up sketch.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, wayne lewis said:
Well I'm surprised. Thanks all. Thought perhaps it may have been frowned upon.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, ShoePie said:
Very good, I liked their enthusiasm over their quite boring hobby. I would have cut after he shows him the phone though.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, wayne lewis said:
Thanks Shoepie. You think the last couple of lines are too much or just don't bring anything to it?
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, NickTheDon said:
Haha, I like this. Nice one!
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, Winterlight said:
I think the last line should stay. I haven't been able to get it out of my head.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, Badge said:
I'm clearly in a minority here but I *much* prefer the original version. Very funny. I think the rewrite loses something in trying to add more.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, wayne lewis said:
Quote: Winterlight @ May 15 2008, 9:51 PM BSTI think the last line should stay. I haven't been able to get it out of my head.
View original
Now that's worrying. I have this image of you wandering around mumbling it to yourself!
Quote: Badge @ May 16 2008, 1:14 AM BSTI'm clearly in a minority here but I *much* prefer the original version. Very funny. I think the rewrite loses something in trying to add more.
View original
Thanks Badge. I can't make my mind up between the two.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, Kim Griffin said:
I liked this. The only thing I'd say is that I preffered it when the line 'no, i really love fucking otters' was just 'no. The reason is because I find that a big bold 'no' totally breaks the rhythm of the scene. IF you look at what you've written, its almost (god this will sound arsey) like a song, where the viewer excepts that character to say a certain amount. If you just put 'no', its quite funny and not expected. The other thing is, is that I think you should maybe cut the video. It might just be stretching out the joke. I think if he goes from 'no' to an awkward silence and then goes to fuck the otter with the confused/horrified looks of man1.
I like the sketch though, good work.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, wayne lewis said:
Thanks for that. I see what you mean about breaking the rhythm of it with just the "no". I put the video in just to show how far this person would go. I don't think many people got the fact that when he left he went to fuck an otter. They just assumed he left. Glad you spotted it.
Thanks again. That was helpful.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, David Bussell said:
I really enjoyed that. There's just something inherently funny about a guy getting really excited by otters. Good job.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, wayne lewis said:
Quote: David Bussell @ May 20 2008, 9:53 AM BSTI really enjoyed that. There's just something inherently funny about a guy getting really excited by otters. Good job.
View original
Thanks David. Strange how in comedy beastiality is funny, but in everyday life it's frowned apon. Oh well nevermind. Come here Rover. Good boy.