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Cable sketch
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, David Bussell said:
INT. LOUNGE – DAY
A CABLE MAN SWITCHES ON A DIGIBOX AND TURNS TO A CUSTOMER.
CABLE MAN:
Right, we’re all set. Here’s your remote.
CUSTOMER
What’s this button?
CABLE MAN:
Let’s have a look.
THE CUSTOMER INDICATES A BUTTON MARKED ‘APE RAPE’.
CABLE MAN:
It’s all in the instructions. Any problems, you’ve got my card. See you later.
THE CABLE MAN LETS HIMSELF OUT.
THE CUSTOMER SITS THERE A MOMENT STARING AT THE REMOTE.
SLOWLY, HIS FINGER EDGES FOR THE BUTTON. HE PRESSES IT.
A HAND COMES DOWN ON HIS SHOULDER.
HE TURNS TO SEE AN ORANGUTAN.
ORANGUTAN:
Sorry, mate, you only get that with the plus package.
CUSTOMER:
Oh.
ORANGUTAN:
Did you sign up for Animal Planet?
CUSTOMER:
Yeah.
THE ORANGUTAN SWITCHES THE CHANNEL. ON SCREEN, A CHIMP SWINGS THROUGH THE TREES.
ORANGUTAN:
Look at the arse on that.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, Mouse said:
I do like it. A lot.
I would prefer a female ape though and for it to end with her hand coming firmly down on the customer's shoulder.
Oh yes.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, sootyj said:
Lovely, how was this ignored, it borders on perfection.
If he had Virgin, he'd get one of those tiny tree chimps, and it would have no winkle. it would just ineffectually rub it's self against his leg.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, Mouse said:
True.
This could be the great lost masterpiece of on-line sketchery.
If that is a thing.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, David Bussell said:
Quote: Mouse @ March 26, 2008, 12:01 PMI do like it. A lot.
I would prefer a female ape though and for it to end with her hand coming firmly down on the customer's shoulder.
Oh yes.
View original
But this isn't about your maturbatory fodder.
Quote: sootyj @ March 26, 2008, 12:02 PMLovely, how was this ignored, it borders on perfection.
If he had sky, he'd get one of those tiny tree chimps, and it would have no winkle. it would just ineffectually rub it's self against his leg.
View original
Thank you. Good point about the SKY bit. If I was lampooning their service this would be a perfect end to the sketch.
Quote: Mouse @ March 26, 2008, 12:10 PMTrue.
This could be the great lost masterpiece of on-line sketchery.
If that is a thing.
View original
Cheers.
Incidentally, anyone got an orangutan they're not using?
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, Winterlight said:
I once tricked one of my friends into thinking a film called 'Ape Rape' had been made.
Anyway, back to the sketch. I liked it. For some reason, 'ape rape' doesn't come across as shocking as you'd think.
The only quibble I have is with the end. I don't think the awkward pause works very well. I liked the style of the original ending.
Perhaps they put on the discovery channel and two apes are mating - cut to THE ape saying "Look at the arse on that".
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, David Bussell said:
Quote: Winterlight @ March 26, 2008, 12:40 PM
Perhaps they put on the discovery channel and two apes are mating - cut to THE ape saying "Look at the arse on that".
View original
That's fucking brilliant. Consider it done.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, Winterlight said:
Yes. It's much better now.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, James Williams said:
Very funny!
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, Leevil said:
I'm not sure? I like the setup and I always like to see monkeys (hehe look at the monkey) I'd like to see it, go hire an ape costume and film it.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, David Bussell said:
I can see myself spending a lot of money on fancy dress this year. I already paid out two hundred quid for a giant fish head mask and it's only March!
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, James Williams said:
Not sure?!?!
Quote: David Bussell @ March 26, 2008, 2:36 PMI can see myself spending a lot of money on fancy dress this year. I already paid out two hundred quid for a giant fish head mask and it's only March!
View original
Hahaha
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, Leevil said:
Quote: David Bussell @ March 26, 2008, 2:36 PMI can see myself spending a lot of money on fancy dress this year. I already paid out two hundred quid for a giant fish head mask and it's only March!
View original
Is that a Micheal Fish head? You're not going Bo' Selecta on us are you David?
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, David Bussell said:
Quote: Leevil @ March 26, 2008, 2:38 PM
Is that a Micheal Fish head? You're not going Bo' Selecta on us are you David?
View original
No, it's a tuna. All will become clear soon enough.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, Leevil said:
Quote: David Bussell @ March 26, 2008, 2:40 PMNo, it's a tuna. All will become clear soon enough.
View original
Was it for the cable man in this sketch? Did he tuna the cable in?
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, David Bussell said:
Quote: Leevil @ March 26, 2008, 2:40 PMWas it for the cable man in this sketch? Did he tuna the cable in?
View original
I want you off of this island by sundown.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, Leevil said:
Quote: David Bussell @ March 26, 2008, 2:47 PMI want you off of this island by sundown.
View original
Can I take your giant fish head mask with me?
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, David Bussell said:
Quote: Leevil @ March 26, 2008, 2:50 PMCan I take your giant fish head mask with me?
View original
Only if you swim.
Wait, did I just hi-jack my own thread?
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, Leevil said:
Bye-jack 
Now back to your sketch...
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, Curt said:
Great sketch! Didn't see it coming.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, David Bussell said:
Me neither it turns out.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, Antony Wheeler said:
Quote: Winterlight @ March 26, 2008, 12:40 PMI once tricked one of my friends into thinking a film called 'Ape Rape' had been made.
View original
As much as I enjoyed the skit, the above made me laugh harder.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, Fantasy Bazaar said:
great punchline
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, David Bussell said:
Quote: Fantasy Bazaar @ March 27, 2008, 6:44 PMgreat punchline
View original
Yes, and it was all my idea.
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, Winterlight said:
My solicitor will be in touch shortly...
On Wednesday 31st December 1969 GMT at 7:00 PM GMT, ajp29 said:
The sales man has to be more sinister and you can't tese us with the possibility of an ape rape and not follow through. Just footnotes but this is sort of a mesh between Monty Python, Chris Morris's Jam and the Mighty boosh Live. yes thats how my brain works people 