This just sort of popped into my head when I was in work. Some bloke was on the radio being overly enthusiatic about Otters. You can rip it to shreads I don't mind. It's never going to get used for anything I just had to write it because it was getting on my nerves.

TWO MEN ARE IN A BIRD HIDEOUT, ON THE SIDE OF A RIVER. THEY ARE BOTH LOOKING OUT WITH BINOCULARS.

MAN 1: Oh look. A Kingfisher.

MAN 2: Where? (PAUSE) Oh yeah. I fucking love Kingfishers.

MAN 1: And me. (PAUSE) Is that a Water Vole?

MAN 2: I think so. I fucking love Water voles.

MAN 1: They’re ok. (PAUSE) Brilliant! Look an Otter.

MAN 2: Wow. I love fucking Otters.

MAN1: I hope you mean “I fucking love Otters”. (LAUGHS)

MAN 2: No.

MAN 2 PULLS OUT HIS MOBILE PHONE AND SHOWS HIM AN HOME MADE MOVIE. “PORN” MUSIC AND ANIMAL SQUEEKING IS HEARD. MAN 1 LOOKS DISGUSTED. MAN 2 GETS UP AND HANDS HIS BINOCULARS TO MAN 1.

MAN 2: Hold them a sec. I won’t be long.

MAN 2 TURNS AND LEAVES.


EDITED VERSION: With a little help from Winterlight

TWO MEN ARE IN A BIRD HIDEOUT, ON THE SIDE OF A RIVER. THEY ARE BOTH LOOKING OUT WITH BINOCULARS.

MAN 1: Oh look. A Kingfisher.

MAN 2: Where? (PAUSE) Oh yeah. I fucking love Kingfishers.

MAN 1: And me. (PAUSE) Is that a Water Vole?

MAN 2: I think so. I fucking love Water voles.

MAN 1: They’re ok. (PAUSE) Brilliant! Look an Otter.

MAN 2: Wow. I love fucking Otters.

MAN 1: I know. Great aren't they.

MAN 2: No, I do love 'fucking' otters. Look.

MAN 2 PULLS OUT HIS MOBILE PHONE AND SHOWS HIM AN HOME MADE MOVIE. “PORN” MUSIC AND ANIMAL SQUEEKING IS HEARD. MAN 1 LOOKS DISGUSTED. MAN 2 GETS UP AND HANDS HIS BINOCULARS TO MAN 1, AND UNZIPS HIS TROUSERS.

MAN 2: Hold them a sec. This won't take long.

MAN 1 TURNS AND LEAVES.

MAN 2: (O.O.V)(FROM PHONE) Ohhh. Slippery little bugger ain't you.


 

Hey Wayne.

It wasn't too bad. Reminded me of my "I fucking love Otters" line the other week, but I'll let you off seeing as it's not theft!

I thought it could be done a little different near the end:

MAN 2: Wow. I love fucking Otters.

MAN 1: I fucking love them as well.

MAN 2: No, I think you misunderstood. I love 'fucking' otters.

And instead of Man 2 turning and leaving, he could get excited watching the video and start undoing his zip.
 

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I'm a flaming cheetah, I'm walking down the street and I'm gonna get you!
 

Agree with winty.
Good though.
 

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Sorry... NOT!
 

I think you're both right. As for the "I fucking love Otters" bit I wondered way when I heard the guy on the radio talking about them that popped into my head. It was your Mr Otter sketck wasn't it. Damn you Winterlight!

Like I said if nobody liked it I don't really mind. It made me smile and it's not going to be used for anything.

EDITED Original post.
 

I like this one (the edited version is the better one). No useful feedback as I think it's done well, succinct and straight to the point with no fannying around. If you'll excuse the expression.

I can see it in Man Stroke Woman. It's that sort of sketch.

Dan
 

I agree that it's quite Man Stroke Woman. I could see Nick Frost playing Man 2.

I love the last line.

You amused not just yourself, but me.

One quick note, shouldn't it be Man 1 that turns and leaves?
 

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I'm a flaming cheetah, I'm walking down the street and I'm gonna get you!
 

Hahahaha. I know what you mean about having to get something out of your head. At least this one worked. Nice little sketch.
 

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Maybe just once someone will call me 'sir' without adding, "you're making a scene."
 

It's very nice and simple
 

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The ASDA of satire.

I hate purity, I hate goodness!I don't want any virtue to exist anywhere. I want everyone to be corrupt to the bones.

But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother.

1984
 

Nice one Wayne.

Comedy Sketchbook last night had a Big Train sketch with similar set up (blokes with binoculars in a hide). A big talking duck then comes into the hide and orders the people out, they poison the duck with oil in a follow up sketch.
 

Well I'm surprised. Thanks all. Thought perhaps it may have been frowned upon.
 

Very good, I liked their enthusiasm over their quite boring hobby. I would have cut after he shows him the phone though.
 

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My Latest Video (August 2008) --- ShoePie Facebook Group


 

Thanks Shoepie. You think the last couple of lines are too much or just don't bring anything to it?
 

Haha, I like this. Nice one!
 

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"Brace yourself Rodney..."
 

I think the last line should stay. I haven't been able to get it out of my head.
 

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I'm a flaming cheetah, I'm walking down the street and I'm gonna get you!
 

I'm clearly in a minority here but I *much* prefer the original version. Very funny. I think the rewrite loses something in trying to add more.