HI

This is my first post.

I recently submitted a script to the Writersroom. It was my first ever submission to anyone and I got a feedback letter (they did read the full script so I suppose that is a plus) but some of the feedback was a bit baffling.

The script was a random episode not the pilot (should I have sent that in?).

The feedback said the script was basically a character study and the humour functions as a result of the interplay between the two main characters who are an odd couple. They share a course irreverent humour but there is little to differentiate between the two and the reader doesn't understand where any conflict would come from.

The entire episode is all about the conflict between them so I'm not sure what to make of that.

There is also mention that the characters don't develop over the course of the episode.

This is also baffling as how does any character change over the course of one episode of any sitcom? Does Robert Lyndsays character change that much in 30 minutes. Does Brian Potter change that much over 30 minutes. I would argue that some of the characters in Two Pints haven't progressed at all across all the series', only the circumstances change. The Green Wing had no character development whatsoever, but that didn't make any difference to the program.

I just can't get my head around how a character can go through such a transformation in 30 pages.

Has anyone else had any feedback like this and can they give me any tips on what to do next.

The feedback also makes comment that the actual episode I sent doesn't predominantly take place in the actual arena that the sitcom is set in (it didn't it was a kind of 'road trip' episode). So I am thinking of sending them the pilot one with all the characters in instead of the two who are predominantly in the episode.

The Writersroom says that they are just looking for someone who can write funny but the feedback doesnt actually state whether any of it was funny or not, but the whole thing was read so I'm (hopefully) assuming that there was some 'funny' in there.

Is it at least something that the whole thing was read or am I right to feel a bit deflated?

Any respones for a noob would be great.

Thanks
 

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What you talkin' about Willis?
 

Firstly you were write to write an none pilot episode.

Also welcome to the world of the script reader, they can be mysterious.

Sitcoms happen in Gorundhog day style cycles, every day the same as the last.

Basil Fawlty may not change from episode to episode, but he has the same cycle of growth each episode.
 

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The ASDA of satire.
"Thoughtcrime was not a thing that could be concealed forever. You might dodge successfully for a while, even for years, but sooner or later they were bound to get you."� Which is exactly what happened to Winston Smith. His rebellion was not one that was foolish and too outspoken. He silently tried to defeat the Party for his personal happiness, and in the end it cost him everything he had fought for, and his love for Julia. He had learned to love Big Brother, which was his ultimate fear when trying to live a life of individuality. The Party had defeated him.

1984
 

That's what I thought so it seems nigh on impossible to impress someone who thinks that the characters must go on some epic change.

The reader kept mentioning 'The pilot episode you have sent'. I made it clear on the letter it wasn't the pilot.

Is it something for them to have read the full thing?

I'm thinking of sending in another one.
 

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What you talkin' about Willis?
 

I think it's pretty rare for them to send anything back... isn't it?

I've not had experience personally, but that's the impression I get.
 

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Before everything got out of hand, Political Correctness used to be called Spastic Gaytalk
 

You got through 2 stages to get to that stage, it's pretty succesful.

Pretty it up, follow their advise, and try production companies.


Writer's room green light a tiny fraction of the scripts they get sent.
 

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The ASDA of satire.
"Thoughtcrime was not a thing that could be concealed forever. You might dodge successfully for a while, even for years, but sooner or later they were bound to get you."� Which is exactly what happened to Winston Smith. His rebellion was not one that was foolish and too outspoken. He silently tried to defeat the Party for his personal happiness, and in the end it cost him everything he had fought for, and his love for Julia. He had learned to love Big Brother, which was his ultimate fear when trying to live a life of individuality. The Party had defeated him.

1984
 

Thanks for all the responses.

I've written about seven episodes over the last couple of months in my spare time (mainly just for myself to see if I could do it)

Think I'll check through one of them and send another in and check out the production companies on the other threads.

One thing that made me laugh was that she said the characters had a 'coarse, irreverent humour'

Course!! This from the company that made Bottom, The League Of Gentlemen, and currently Two Pints...Those shows would be handicapped without the coarse humour (although I hate Two Pints and can't believe it has been on so long)
 

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What you talkin' about Willis?
 

If you resubmit it to the Writers' Room then change the title, they put it on a database and won't read rewrites or other episodes unless they request it. As far as my understanding goes. I may stand corrected, as is the norm.

The Beeb was the home of dangerous humour for so long. The flagship of new comedy. I'm waiting for a return to that ethos.
 

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The Slagg Brothers live at:welshwriters.org.uk/slaggbrothers.

Our MySpace. Feel free to add us as friends.

Our YouTube. Subscribe to us and we'll return the compliment.
 

Seriously though try prodcos, it's where BBC get's most of it's stuff from any way.
 

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The ASDA of satire.
"Thoughtcrime was not a thing that could be concealed forever. You might dodge successfully for a while, even for years, but sooner or later they were bound to get you."� Which is exactly what happened to Winston Smith. His rebellion was not one that was foolish and too outspoken. He silently tried to defeat the Party for his personal happiness, and in the end it cost him everything he had fought for, and his love for Julia. He had learned to love Big Brother, which was his ultimate fear when trying to live a life of individuality. The Party had defeated him.

1984
 

What do you think is the best ones to send to?
 

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What you talkin' about Willis?
 

Quote: silentbob69 @ May 11 2008, 12:38 PM BST

What do you think is the best ones to send to?

View original

Any and all, dont limit yourself; get your script out there and circulating. The writersroom is a complete waste of time.
 

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www.myspace.com/mvstott

 

"Character development" - it's an oft-bandied about term but it can mean many different things. Basically, you're right in as much as obviously you can't have a character's personality change over the course of an episode, that would be just stupid and if that's what the reader is suggesting then he/she's an idiot.

But what you can do is an emotional change, so your character starts out sad and end up happy, starts out calm and ends up angry etc. The point of doing this is that it subconsciously hooks the reader / viewer into the story. Humans are always interested in other humans' emotions and if you can get emotional swings into your script, as opposed to, for instance, just having them angry and arguing with each other constantly, then the piece always seems far more balanced and it forces you to keep turning the page.

If you make your character go on some sort of journey, then return him to the status quo, you'll have a pleasing story.

Or a crap 3 chord rock band.
 

My sympathies! Sounds very similar feedback to the first thing I subbed. Some positive elements but fairly confusing comments about how (in their view) it needed improving. I'm sure we would all be happy to improve stuff IF they would accept re-writes! Treat it as a learning exercise and hit them with something else so that when they say 'what else you got?' you can dig out the re-write.
 

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http://midgetgems.wordpress.com/
 

It is a step forward, one usually gets...We can't use the script at this time.yours sincerely
 

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I'm all woman so don't refer to me as a bloke...ta [juggles]
 

Watch TV check out the names of the companies that you like, and then contact them. I couldn't recommend any specific ones they're all different.

And like I say on character development think Ground Hog, the same pattern of character development repeated each episode.

There's a thread somewhere here with some tips on that.
 

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The ASDA of satire.
"Thoughtcrime was not a thing that could be concealed forever. You might dodge successfully for a while, even for years, but sooner or later they were bound to get you."� Which is exactly what happened to Winston Smith. His rebellion was not one that was foolish and too outspoken. He silently tried to defeat the Party for his personal happiness, and in the end it cost him everything he had fought for, and his love for Julia. He had learned to love Big Brother, which was his ultimate fear when trying to live a life of individuality. The Party had defeated him.

1984
 

Quote: Croydesponger @ May 11 2008, 3:48 PM BST

My sympathies! Sounds very similar feedback to the first thing I subbed. Some positive elements but fairly confusing comments about how (in their view) it needed improving. I'm sure we would all be happy to improve stuff IF they would accept re-writes! Treat it as a learning exercise and hit them with something else so that when they say 'what else you got?' you can dig out the re-write.

View original

I think that's a very good point. The feedback is much less useful if there is absolutely no reason to rewrite. Whilst I don't have any trouble accepting that the judging standards are probably fair and relevant, there is a disparity between what they judge you on and what they say they want. Supposedly the submitted script is a test of talent, but if that was the case, it wouldn't really matter whether what you've written is suitable for broadcast. And any writer worth his salt can write to a brief. My writer's room experience was not good. After having my script read by a contemporary factual producer at the BBC, who told me it was far above the standard they were likely to receive, it was returned unread.