INT. LOUNGE – DAY

A CABLE MAN SWITCHES ON A DIGIBOX AND TURNS TO A CUSTOMER.

CABLE MAN:
Right, we’re all set. Here’s your remote.

CUSTOMER
What’s this button?

CABLE MAN:
Let’s have a look.

THE CUSTOMER INDICATES A BUTTON MARKED ‘APE RAPE’.

CABLE MAN:
It’s all in the instructions. Any problems, you’ve got my card. See you later.

THE CABLE MAN LETS HIMSELF OUT.

THE CUSTOMER SITS THERE A MOMENT STARING AT THE REMOTE.

SLOWLY, HIS FINGER EDGES FOR THE BUTTON. HE PRESSES IT.

A HAND COMES DOWN ON HIS SHOULDER.

HE TURNS TO SEE AN ORANGUTAN.

ORANGUTAN:
Sorry, mate, you only get that with the plus package.

CUSTOMER:
Oh.

ORANGUTAN:
Did you sign up for Animal Planet?

CUSTOMER:
Yeah.

THE ORANGUTAN SWITCHES THE CHANNEL. ON SCREEN, A CHIMP SWINGS THROUGH THE TREES.

ORANGUTAN:
Look at the arse on that.
 

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www.davidbussell.com
 

I do like it. A lot.

I would prefer a female ape though and for it to end with her hand coming firmly down on the customer's shoulder.

Oh yes.
 

Lovely, how was this ignored, it borders on perfection.

If he had Virgin, he'd get one of those tiny tree chimps, and it would have no winkle. it would just ineffectually rub it's self against his leg.
 

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The ASDA of satire.
"Thoughtcrime was not a thing that could be concealed forever. You might dodge successfully for a while, even for years, but sooner or later they were bound to get you."� Which is exactly what happened to Winston Smith. His rebellion was not one that was foolish and too outspoken. He silently tried to defeat the Party for his personal happiness, and in the end it cost him everything he had fought for, and his love for Julia. He had learned to love Big Brother, which was his ultimate fear when trying to live a life of individuality. The Party had defeated him.

1984
 

True.

This could be the great lost masterpiece of on-line sketchery.

If that is a thing.
 

Quote: Mouse @ March 26, 2008, 12:01 PM

I do like it. A lot.

I would prefer a female ape though and for it to end with her hand coming firmly down on the customer's shoulder.

Oh yes.

View original

But this isn't about your maturbatory fodder.

Quote: sootyj @ March 26, 2008, 12:02 PM

Lovely, how was this ignored, it borders on perfection.

If he had sky, he'd get one of those tiny tree chimps, and it would have no winkle. it would just ineffectually rub it's self against his leg.

View original

Thank you. Good point about the SKY bit. If I was lampooning their service this would be a perfect end to the sketch.

Quote: Mouse @ March 26, 2008, 12:10 PM

True.

This could be the great lost masterpiece of on-line sketchery.

If that is a thing.

View original

Cheers.

Incidentally, anyone got an orangutan they're not using?

 

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www.davidbussell.com
 

I once tricked one of my friends into thinking a film called 'Ape Rape' had been made.

Anyway, back to the sketch. I liked it. For some reason, 'ape rape' doesn't come across as shocking as you'd think.

The only quibble I have is with the end. I don't think the awkward pause works very well. I liked the style of the original ending.

Perhaps they put on the discovery channel and two apes are mating - cut to THE ape saying "Look at the arse on that".
 

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Dear Providence has you all in his sights.
 

Quote: Winterlight @ March 26, 2008, 12:40 PM

Perhaps they put on the discovery channel and two apes are mating - cut to THE ape saying "Look at the arse on that".

View original

That's fucking brilliant. Consider it done.

 

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www.davidbussell.com
 

Yes. It's much better now.
 

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Dear Providence has you all in his sights.
 

Very funny!
 

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Things fall apart.

www.newstroupe.co.uk
 

I'm not sure? I like the setup and I always like to see monkeys (hehe look at the monkey) I'd like to see it, go hire an ape costume and film it.
 

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Quipped Leevil.
 

I can see myself spending a lot of money on fancy dress this year. I already paid out two hundred quid for a giant fish head mask and it's only March!
 

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www.davidbussell.com
 

Not sure?!?!

Quote: David Bussell @ March 26, 2008, 2:36 PM

I can see myself spending a lot of money on fancy dress this year. I already paid out two hundred quid for a giant fish head mask and it's only March!

View original

Hahaha
 

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Things fall apart.

www.newstroupe.co.uk
 

Quote: David Bussell @ March 26, 2008, 2:36 PM

I can see myself spending a lot of money on fancy dress this year. I already paid out two hundred quid for a giant fish head mask and it's only March!

View original

Is that a Micheal Fish head? You're not going Bo' Selecta on us are you David?
 

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Quipped Leevil.
 

Quote: Leevil @ March 26, 2008, 2:38 PM

Is that a Micheal Fish head? You're not going Bo' Selecta on us are you David?

View original

No, it's a tuna. All will become clear soon enough.

 

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www.davidbussell.com
 

Quote: David Bussell @ March 26, 2008, 2:40 PM

No, it's a tuna. All will become clear soon enough.

View original

Was it for the cable man in this sketch? Did he tuna the cable in?
 

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Quipped Leevil.